No Fear

Over the past few weeks I have watched my grandmother become less afraid of losing her physical life. It is such a sight to see her have gradual peace over whichever path life may take her after being diagnosed with Stage IIIB cervical cancer 3 1/2 months ago. I watched her go from being in shock to depressed to now coming to terms with this reality. I don't know exactly if there is a "process" of emotions that cancer or terminally ill people go through, but it is heartwarming to see her turn this entire situation over to God.

At first, once the shock wore off of the news, she expressed the need to hold onto this life because of fear of the unknown. Is there life after this one? I've said to her that the Bible says our bodies will be restored, but she's not too sure about that. Having not read the Bible and not understanding much of the Christian faith, she is also uncertain about heaven. We've had numerous conversations about what the Bible says and for the most part, she's engaged and asks lots of questions. Have I convinced her? Not even close! The Holy Spirit has had to do that because if I know how my grandmother works, she's pretty stubborn and almost so stubborn that I just have to laugh at times.

Fear. So it's not that she doesn't believe in God and in Jesus, but she feared this life being the only one she'll ever have! Wow! I know it's hard for us to imagine a perfect world after this one, but I think it's even more challenging for me to imagine this life being the only one we live and then to only have nonexistence. I can't seem to wrap my brain around that concept. Poor Grandma, here she was afraid to lose her life out of fear of the unknown and perhaps the finality to life itself. There was nothing else I could do for her except to pray for her. I prayed that God would give her a peace about this predicament and just love on her in a way that she has not experienced.

It's been almost a week now since her last radiation treatment and we don't know what the exact results are from the treatment yet and I don't know if we will get them. The oncologist said that as long as her symptoms that were linked to the cancer have improved, then that's a good indication that the tumor has at least reduced in size. Either way, I am just glad that my grandmother has come to terms with this condition and has peace about it. I have seen her draw closer to God and really ponder over His realness and sovereignty. God has become more alive to her and she is able to face physical death with a peace that wasn't there before. I was led to write about this while thinking about Paul's message to Timothy about fear. “For God has not given us a spirit of fear (timidity), but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”(2 Timothy 1:7,NKJV) Could you imagine what it would be like if we lived a life without being fearful? How about what it would be like to not only have inner peace, but to walk boldly in Him in love? Pretty overwhelming yet amazing, eh?