Nature vs. Nurture -Does it Matter?

I'm not entirely sure I know where I'm going with this, but here goes. I think we are a combination of both. By nature, I have distinct personality traits that my grandmother can attest to has been consistent in me ever since I was a toddler. I know I wasn't a perfect child, a mild mannered one, but not without fault. Let's face it, for the most part as toddlers, as we gain more awareness of the world and ourselves, we automatically assume that the world revolves around us and we can only view our environment and the people around us as our dominion and servants! It's actually quite funny in hindsight. If you don't think so, I would recommend that you try spending an hour or two with a toddler around 2 or 3 years old and see it for yourself. Believe me, if I had never observed how small children act and interact with their surroundings, I would have completely disagreed with this statement.

Now there's the nurture (or lack of) part that is responsible for the rest of our perspectives and behaviors. Because life happens and we are relational beings, it is inevitable that we are going to be partly molded by our experiences and interactions with others. Unfortunately, I think we tend to get really messed up from this side of the nature v. nurture concept. For many years, my inability to trust anyone and depend on anyone was a result of my experiences with childhood abuse and abandonment. Yet, because of my nature (thank God!), I didn't have aggression or the feeling of vengeance towards the perpetrators. It didn't mean that I came out unscathed. Growing up, I had such a poor self-image and was such a people pleaser. Because of that, I made enough unwise decisions. And you know, we are all going to continue to make decisions in life-some wise and some unwise. With that, how do we trudge through all the fluff and bluff to live the life that is genuinely fulfilling?

Shortly even after I became a Christian (soon after college), I actually didn't know how to make wiser choices for myself and how to turn my self-image around. I had all sorts of insecurities that needed to be worked on, but I didn't even know if it was possible to "get better" without going to therapy until God stopped me in my tracks. As I SLOWLY ventured onto this faith journey, God began to reveal Himself more through scripture. The cultivating of this relationship with God and Jesus has made all the difference for me. In the months and years that followed, as I kept sharing and unloading my anxieties, dislikes, tears, doubts, questions-you name it, I've said it- to Him, He was starting to heal those wounds that I carried with me for so long. Oh, how liberating it is! He has further revealed that I'm not just this unwanted and undeserving person, but quite the opposite! I am, first and foremost, HIS daughter. Phew! It is still mind boggling to me at times at how intensely He loves us all and cares for us. I guess, my round-about-way point is is that because of our nature and environment (nurture) we are all broken in some form and He is the only one that can mend our brokenness. It truly is a supernatural thing...a God thing.

Our Message

We are excited to be in the preparation stages of planning talks

for women in various stages of their lives.

We've been researching and developing talks on five key topics (TBA).

Our Message:

Motivating others to

glorify God by

Living Intentionally,

Laughing Joyously

&

Loving Altruistically

Does the apple fall far from the tree?

What do you think--does the apple fall far from the tree? I was thinking of this the other day while picking up my preschooler. She needed time to wind down before she gave me the details of her day at school. As she began to grump at me I realized, I am like that. As I began to think of both the strengths and weaknesses I may have passed along to my children it hit me--I need to amp up my prayer life.

It's wonderful to catch your child in the moments you know they are mimicking your behavior when its redeeming and sweet. It's a whole other story when you can tell you've passed along some questionable or even ugly traits.

I'm always fascinated by nature vs: nurture debates. How much do genes play a part of who are children become?

I guess in the absence of this knowledge I'm reminded to pray for even subtle character traits, the gleaming ones and the not so shiny ones.

Stay tuned for our future

speaking engagements!

I don't know why women stay, but I can guess. I wonder if women feel one of the following three things.

1. Guilt (as if it is their fault they are being abused -- as if they are causing it for some reason)
2. Fear of Leaving (the abuser is well-versed at making the abused feel isolated and intimidated through manipulation and force)
3. A Desire to Rescue or Save the Abuser

Each of those justifications make me sad mostly because they are complete lies.

Guilt: It's a lie that anyone deserves to be treated in any way other than with respect.

Fear of Leaving: There is life away from the abuser and it is a far more free and healthy life. The fear can be validated but there is a way out no matter how much he tries to convince otherwise.

The Desire to Rescue: This one disturbs me because no one person can save another person...ever, in any form, in any way, EVER. Can we encourage each other, move or inspire each other into greater actions and a possibly even a better state of living, sure...absolutely. But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm referring to the misguided thought that in some way to tolerate and "peace-keep" after being hit/verbally slammed, the abused is "giving the abuser a second chance." "He will stop if only I..." Sadly, his actions have very little to do with who he's abusing/her actions and all too much to do with his lack of coping skills and anger problems.

Perhaps the abused woman thinks she is the only one that can convince him to stop. Or maybe in some warped way, the abused feels special. Often abusers are protective, to the point of isolating the abuser...to the point of getting them to feel very alone (remind you of anyone described like a lion in the Bible?)

This topic gets to me. I feel for the women deeply. But I get frustrated too. I wish they could see it for what it is--abuse. I will say women need to stick together. We can't turn our backs on a woman if we see her being abused out of our frustration. We need to continue to encourage and speak truth into her life. It just may be the only truth she hears.

*I write women b/c most abusers are male and most of the abused are females.

What's love got to do with it?

What makes a woman stay with a guy that hits her? I'm not shocked (though saddened)at the news that Rihanna would continue a relationship with Chris Brown despite his "outburst". It's unfortunate that many females would rather stay in an abusive (physical, emotional, etc.) relationship than be on their own. As I read the report that Rihanna submitted of the events that transpired between her and Brown that evening, I couldn't believe the anger that Brown displayed. It felt like I was watching a Lifetime script of an abusive lover who just found out that his partner just talked to the male postman! Brown not only hit her once, but he bit her and repeatedly punched her and threatened her as well. Ugh. Why? What's even worse if that we (females) try to even justify and make sense of the violence as if we had any control over it. Ladies, we don't. What do you think? Do you think the abuser is the sole problem in an abusive relationship?

Childhood Memories

That's it for childhood memories today. Something about that phrase really hit me. Quite honestly, it convicted me. Am I setting up each day in order for my children to have the best memories possible?

I used to believe all the best memories stemmed from the holidays, so I'd often wait for something monumental to happen on those days. I mistakenly believed that holidays counted most as far as memories were concerned and because of that I put some sort of weird pressure on those occasions...pressure for all to go smoothly. I believed my memories from Halloween, Christmas, Easter, 4th of July, etc. wouldn't fade, that they couldn't fade, as if they were innocuous from change and time.

And a funny thing began to happen as each year turned into a new year. I remembered some things from holidays, but found that most of my rich and beautiful memories were from the simple moments, like skating on the pond with my sisters. I still remember how cold my feet would get and how poorly I skated. But I also remember how close I felt to them then. I remember thinking we were all part of something bigger than ourselves. I can't say that any one memory from a holiday conjures those same sentiments.

So, yes...I agree...time escapes me too readily as well. I also think we are making memories in the simple things, don't you? When I was little I used to love watching my mom iron. We had good talks then, but even more so I was learning how she loved my dad...Today, I hate ironing and every time I pick up the iron (which isn't all that often) I think of how my mom slid the iron back and forth over my dad's starched dress shirts. I think of her talking to me while doing something concrete to show her love.

That's what I remember.

Fly Away Time

When I was younger, time could not go any slower, but now I don't even know how time slips past me each day. My days are filled with "momma" here, "momma, can I have a snack?", making meals, picking up around the house, having personal time, etc. I would not trade it for anything although I just wish there was more time in a day. Often, I am racing with time trying to capture the last few moments before the children go to bed so that I can squeeze in more quality time knowing that when their eyes close, that's it for childhood memories today and that new ones are just around the corner in the morning when they awake. I know they say that time does go by quicker as you get older, but they didn't say it would go by at lightning speed. If time is really flying by as quickly as it is, I guess we should be trying to make the most of the time we are given. Time for what? Hmmm..... it would be most gratifying for me if I can look back on my day and say that I lived it with laughs, much love, compassion, integrity and with God.

What's the motto with you?

I love the way your children think. I am blessed to have both you and each of them in my life. I'll want to know what becomes of that discussion and idea to send Bibles.

Meanwhile, I want to share a Latin motto that I got out of one of Beth Moore's studies.

Nisi Dominus Frusta.

In Latin this says, 'Without the Lord, Frustration.'

Beth explains how this is the motto of the city of Edinburgh Scotland, "appearing on its crest and affixed to the city's official documents."

I know in America we have, 'In God We Trust' on our money and several other mottos impressed into our culture. It got me thinking if I had a motto what would it be. What would my own personal motto be? A pastor from our church in Kentucky asked something similar. He said, "Paul said to live is Christ. To die is gain...What would your vision statement be?"

At the time I came up with something like, 'To live a passionate life of compassion.' Think I'm going to stick with it.

What's the motto with you?

(p.s. had some spacing issues in this blog that drove me dang near batty :)

Money, Money, Money

My children and I were talking about the impoverished children of Africa and some of the things they are suffering from (digestive worms, starvation, abandonment, etc.). We then prayed for them, and then began to brainstorm ways that we can help. My daughter suggested that we send them sandals and donate our clothes and shoes to them. My son thought that he could send his allowance money to the program that sends us updates about their ministry in various parts of Africa (Food for the Hungry). After much brainstorming, it was becoming clear that no amount of money and material resources were going to "solve" the problem. Then all of a sudden, my son offered that we send Bibles there since money wasn't going to fix it. There you go! We not only want to do our part to care for those that are in need for the now, but also for the later. I am always blown away at how wise and preceptive children can be if given the chance to process and voice their thoughts. "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, in purity."(1Timothy 4:12) Wow! Do I feel old or what??!

Soul Mates and Throw Up

What do you think about soul mates? I, though embarrassed to admit I watched it, wondered about the booklet Molly made for Jason titled something about soul mates. Or where do you stand on love at first sight? Just writing in stream of consciousness...but I think during a show like that, when lavished with every expense and set in just the "right" places one might be easily led to believe they are falling in love. Love shows up in reality, I think...Love shows up when your significant other is holding the toilet throwing up...how do you love then? Or how about when you feel like doing something/watching one thing/going some place specific and loved one feels like doing the opposite...is love a sacrifice? A mutual sacrifice? A give and take, push and pull...lumberjack sawing kind of love? Love can also be the cutesy little things, but I find the most beautiful kind of love to be the kind that has the partner with warm washcloth in hand standing nearby as their love gets sick. The most beautiful kind of love comes when you give it away, eh?

Mistaken Love

Last night, I watched the season finale of "The Bachelor" and found myself on the edge of the couch processing all that was unfolding before my eyes of a love that went or that didn't go anywhere. Jason, the bachelor, fell in love with two women yet for seemingly different reasons. He chose the one that he thought was the perfect match for him and his family (single father of one) and let go of the one that seemed to be a better match (I thought). After the selection, the network of the program then revisits the "happy" couple and interviews them and the woman that wasn't chosen. For the first time on the show, the couple breaks up and then the man chooses the other woman. What?! So, can someone really fall in love with two women? How do you know when the one you are with is "the one" ? Is there wiggle room to grow more in love with someone even if you are not madly in love with them? If we are blessed with a mate, shouldn't we be deeply in love with them? Hmmm....